I never really thought I would ever want a tattoo growing up. I’ve never been against tattoos, I’m just indecisive. I like to change my clothes style often enough that it’s hard to imagine getting a tattoo I was happy with forever. It’s very serious to me, marking your body with ink that will never fully go away.
But I have found myself thinking somewhat frequently about what I would get if I were to get a tattoo. Honestly, I’m still not sure I want any at all. However, I’ve come up with three ideas I like for vastly different reasons.
A cat on my ankle – We’re talking a small, cute cat outline. Since I’ve never really thought of myself as a tattoo person, I tend to like the smaller, meaningful ones in less obvious places for myself. And something I have always loved, and will forever love, is cats. It would represent every cat I’ve ever had, starting with my first love Merry and especially my baby Andy.
I love the idea of just an outline, but I also wouldn’t be opposed to having a solid black cat. I’m very passionate about my black cat and getting rid of the “omg I just saw a black cat I’M SO DEAD” stigma surrounding them. The maintenance guy who fixed our door a few weeks ago looked at Andy and literally said, “Oh, thank goodness it’s not Friday the 13th.” Um, yeah, it’s not like I leave the house on Friday the 13th and don’t return until the next day so my black cat doesn’t kill me/give me bad luck. I’ve survived many of them without a single incident so I’m sure you being in the same room as my incredibly sweet, loving, social cat for 15 minutes will be just fine.
The Lost Numbers – Lost is my all time favorite tv show. I understand if you had problems with it, but I adored it. I loved that it treated it’s audience like they were smart and thoughtful. It’s themes and metaphors were deep. It’s characters were complex and flawed and, for the most part, all had good and bad in them. I’ve yet to meet someone who had the exact same opinions as me regarding every single character.
Lost essentially helped me realize that tv could be more than just mindless entertainment. There are stories worth telling that can broaden your mind and mean something.
I would most likely get the Lost numbers, but a Dharma logo is not out of the question. Ironically I think the best place would be on my upper back, right below my neck. I’ve always wondered why put a meaningful tattoo on your back where you can never see it, but in a way, I think that’s perfect for these numbers. For starters, I’d want them all in a line, like they are on this picture on an arm, and my back would be an ideal place for that, since I would want my tattoo to be less visible than down a line on my arm or leg. Plus in a weird way I like the symbolism of it. Lost had a huge influence on me, even though it’s not active in my every day life anymore. So even though I can’t see it, it’s always there, encouraging me to find those meaningful, complicated stories.
I am good enough / you are good enough – I waffle between which phrasing I like more. Throughout my counseling appointments, one commonality has come up over and over and over again – a lot of my self-doubt and hatred comes from this feeling that I’m not good enough. Not good enough for a job, not good enough as a spouse, not good enough as a person, etc. I’m harder on myself than anyone else is, and I don’t deserve it. Sure, I could be better, but that doesn’t mean who I am isn’t good enough to begin with.
Depression is usually something that you’re never fully rid of, you just learn how to manage it. Trying to change this thought process is important for managing my depression and also incredibly difficult on my own. Having it on my wrist, staring me in the face every day, would be a great reminder not just today, but for the rest of my life.
I’ve thought about doing this one a lot. I’ll still think about it for quite a while longer, maybe just write it in sharpie on my wrist once or twice to see how I feel about it.
There are certainly other things I’ve considered, like something for Doctor Who or an arrow, but these are the ones I’m more confident about. I’d love to hear about the meaning behind your tattoos, if you have one. Or what you would get if you were brave enough!